You may be in a situation that you have to take what you can get. It really could be difficult to get the "Perfect place".
We really liked the Ren. in Honolulu. We requested a room with a patio, and kitchen. With the family it saved us a lot by not having to eat out all the time. Likewise, we were walking distance and easy public transportation access to a lot of places.
You MUST TRY the category 7, JW Marriott Ihilani Resort & Spa at Ko Olina on Oahu. It is one of two Hawaiian resorts participating in the 3 nights for 2 night resort special so you can cash-in on a discounted points offer. Show your wife and kids the virtual tour of Marriott Vacation Club at Ko Olina which is next door. Plus, being on the island of Oahu there's no shortage of family sightseeing, dining, shopping and day excursions. You'll be the big Kahuna for taking the kids to the nearby Hawaiian Adventures Water Park, the only water park in Hawaii. Enjoy!